please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
