im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Randomize
