i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
