I think I died a long time ago.
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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