What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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