I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
