I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
she looked like the before picture.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
