You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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