Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
