A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Randomize
