She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
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