I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Randomize
