O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
