So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
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