dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
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