think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
