omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
Randomize
