I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
That's how pantless uber rides happen
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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