I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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