Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Randomize
