I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
