Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I'm jealous of your bromance
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Randomize
