DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
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