So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
