did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
