are you still at the devil's house?
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
