You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
