im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
