11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
