Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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