dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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