Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
