Kareoke will never be a sober sport
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
