Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Randomize
