bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
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