Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
My breasts were aching with rage.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
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