I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
