Question for you. Are boobs and hands polarly charged, thus causing the inevitable joining of the two. If so are some breasts simply charged backwards
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Randomize
