I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
