She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
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