i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
