My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Randomize
