Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
i would punch a child for taco bell
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
