Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Randomize
