All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
