he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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