kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
