I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Randomize
