What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
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