Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
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