Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
