Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Randomize
