I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
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