yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Randomize
