i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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